My first rejection!

I feel like I should be bummed out. After all, they're saying my story doesn't meet the prized standards of the intellectual elite that is Black Static Magazine. But instead I feel a sort of elation. I think in a way this tiny slip of pre-written, badly-printed paper gives me the sense of legitimacy I always lacked before. I am a writer. A talentless, shitty writer, but a writer nonetheless. Here's to the hundreds of rejection letters to come and the ever increasing gloomy sulks that will inevitably follow. Lord knows I'll probably not be this stoked second time around.

Milestones of Graphics Design

There are some very mundane things in this world that I nonetheless hold dear. Matches are one of those things. I think it's all tied in to machismo and primitive survivalism or something, but I find it a very satisfying pastime. Mastery of fire is something all male personalities aspire to have, and matches go some way to helping us acheive that dream.

Matches can make every one of us like Prometheus: he who stole fire from the gods. But the power of the gods doesn't necessarily come packaged with their wisdom like a tesco 2 for 1 deal. We all know some dunderhead who accidentally set fire to his room, or burnt off his own face. That's why the thoughtful people at Swedish Match decided to put a warning on the back of the box in case any of us hadn't yet heard the breaking news that fire can actually be harmful.

Now, if you're going to go with a health warning that's integral to your product, you'd likely go for something eye catching, but tasteful. Maybe hire a couple of ad guys or some dude with a graphics design Phd to come up with something. Not Swedish Matches. They went for the less conventional path of doing a picture on MS Paint of a burning stickman. It was a risky manouvre, but as you can see for yourself, the results have really paid off. The combination of the stick man's imploring eyes, its half casual, half worrisome cry for help, and its flaming arm, really create a lasting impression. I don't think you could get someone with a salary of a million pounds an hour to design something that good. And to top it all off they include a recipe for rice pudding, magnanimously trusting that their customers might one day try cooking something more inventive than sausages and beans.

Thanks to Swedish Matches I will never forget that fire kills children or that I can have my very own ricey dessert in less than two and a half hours.

I like Southland Tales

Fuck you, fight me.